Tuesday, June 14, 2011

The Change in the Game Part II

When you leave home, you leave home with a lot of mixed emotions. Mixed, because you are leaving for new beginnings, yet, in a way, you leave with a heavy heart, leaving behind all the things, places and people that are dear to you, you tuck them safely in a corner of your heart, and make your journey.

I look around my room, and all the things that make it. Eighteen years of my life has already passed by, so much I have learnt, so much I have yet to learn. I know I will miss a lot of things about my life right now, but eventually as time passes, these things will be happy memories that I will cherish forever. The ones I do not want to remember, I will never forget but I will not think about them for long.

This summer I learnt a lot about love. No, I have not been heavily influenced by Bollywood movies, but mostly through observation. Love comes in different ways to different people. It's how you accept love to be to you, and how you take it. Love also means different things to different people. I never really did believe in love, always thought it was a bit too mushy for someone like me.

Expectation is a horrid thing. Really. I'm trying not to do it. My whole life, I've always spent planning for the future. My entire day was planned, packing in hours of study, exercise and household chores. Now, for once, I want to live each day as it comes, live each moment as it passes by. (I threw my daily planner into the trash) I don't want to have expectations about anything or anybody. What it has to be, it will be. Things always don't happen the way you want it to, just accept it and move on.

As things change, people change. Some of these changes are good, some are not. It's sad when you know that someone you really cared for changed and has become a horrid person. It's best to accept it, rather than mourn over it. You're the one with the bigger heart at the end of the day.

I'm excited about living in Calcutta for the next five years. I don't know whether I'll like it or not. But, that isn't the deal. The very experience of living in a place I have never been to before brings in an element of excitement. Will I make friends? Will be happy? Will I do well in Law school? I don't know. And strangely for me, I don't want to!

For the first time, I'm happy and proud of myself for what I've achieved till now. I'm happy there are people around me who care and love me for the quirky insane person that I am. I'm happy that all the work I put in for CLAT didn't completely go for a waste. I'm happy that a lot of people are happy for me. I'm most happy because for the first time in five years, I'm ready to open my heart again. And I know I will get hurt, but that's what brings you to love- pain. I'm not going to waste a second more about the fact that I'm not going to go to NLS, even if I was dreaming of that place since I was 9 years old.

As a good friend of mine always says, whatever happens always happens for the good.

And I'm going to sit back, and watch my credits roll. =)

Sunday, June 12, 2011

The Change in the Game Part I

I'm back! =D

It's hard to believe summer is almost over, and what a crazy summer it has been. Most importantly, I have learnt a lot this summer.

When boards ended, I spent only half a day loafing around, enjoying the few hours I had to celebrate the ending of two years at a wonderful institution with wonderful people! But that was to be short lived, because the very next day, I sat down and started my crucial prep for the Common Law Admission Test 2011.

I've always wanted to be a lawyer, ever since I can remember. When I was a kid, my dad used to take me around The Karnataka High Court and I used to just love the place. (Apologies to Raju for all the irritating questions =P) During vacations and holidays, I used to immerse myself in the sea of books in my dad's room and his office. When he died and I inherited the whole thing, it was a great escape on days when I needed to run away. On the darkest of all days, when I needed some strength, it was here I found myself again and again.

CLAT 2011 All India Rank 133. I'm not disappointed. Because, when I finished the paper, I had no hopes of making it to even NLS Kochi. NLS Bangalore was a far dream. I do ask whether all that hard work that I put in went for a waste. I think not. NUJS is an awesome place, (tipped by some of my law friends to be the next "big thing" in national law schools) and I always had an intuition about Calcutta. There has to be reason for my ardent love for Rosogolla, no?

So here I am. Standing at crossroads. About to take my next big step into the big bad world. Will I survive? How is Meenakshi Kurpad going to be five years down the lane? Will I get the power I've always wanted? Will my ideas and beliefs change? Will I get the Oh-my-dear-we-pity-you-because-you-have-no-father typical Indian Uncles and aunties finally see how headstrong I've become? How I don't need to have a male presence to do whatever the hell I want?

To these backward minds, I say- Meenakshi Kurpad hasn't arrived.

The Meenakshi Kurpad has arrived. =)