I look around my room, and all the things that make it. Eighteen years of my life has already passed by, so much I have learnt, so much I have yet to learn. I know I will miss a lot of things about my life right now, but eventually as time passes, these things will be happy memories that I will cherish forever. The ones I do not want to remember, I will never forget but I will not think about them for long.
This summer I learnt a lot about love. No, I have not been heavily influenced by Bollywood movies, but mostly through observation. Love comes in different ways to different people. It's how you accept love to be to you, and how you take it. Love also means different things to different people. I never really did believe in love, always thought it was a bit too mushy for someone like me.
Expectation is a horrid thing. Really. I'm trying not to do it. My whole life, I've always spent planning for the future. My entire day was planned, packing in hours of study, exercise and household chores. Now, for once, I want to live each day as it comes, live each moment as it passes by. (I threw my daily planner into the trash) I don't want to have expectations about anything or anybody. What it has to be, it will be. Things always don't happen the way you want it to, just accept it and move on.
As things change, people change. Some of these changes are good, some are not. It's sad when you know that someone you really cared for changed and has become a horrid person. It's best to accept it, rather than mourn over it. You're the one with the bigger heart at the end of the day.
I'm excited about living in Calcutta for the next five years. I don't know whether I'll like it or not. But, that isn't the deal. The very experience of living in a place I have never been to before brings in an element of excitement. Will I make friends? Will be happy? Will I do well in Law school? I don't know. And strangely for me, I don't want to!
For the first time, I'm happy and proud of myself for what I've achieved till now. I'm happy there are people around me who care and love me for the quirky insane person that I am. I'm happy that all the work I put in for CLAT didn't completely go for a waste. I'm happy that a lot of people are happy for me. I'm most happy because for the first time in five years, I'm ready to open my heart again. And I know I will get hurt, but that's what brings you to love- pain. I'm not going to waste a second more about the fact that I'm not going to go to NLS, even if I was dreaming of that place since I was 9 years old.
As a good friend of mine always says, whatever happens always happens for the good.
And I'm going to sit back, and watch my credits roll. =)
nice!! :) n chill! u'll do really well in calcutta :)
ReplyDeleteMeenakshi. u r a fantabulous writer. u hv gt wht it takes to be a gud writer. u r a complete package. simply awesome :-)
ReplyDeleteAnd now look, you have half your answers. :D Tell me if you still want to get back to NLS! :P
ReplyDeleteOh and strange...I've always been the exact opposite, never planning, always taking each day as it came. And so far, that hasn't worked very well, so I'll just take the big leap leap and change over to the other side one of these days, you know, like you did, because your change paid off so well for you!
Rara Avis, sorry for the late reply!
DeleteI really appreciate your comment and your last sentence means a lot to me. Well, after being in law school for over a year now, my whole life seems to be turning around. :)